in conversation with ashley longshore...

Ashley Longshore is a hilarious and badass, pop artist/entrepreneur based in New Orleans. Some of her clients include Blake Lively, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz and Eli Manning.
She is the author of 'You Don't Look Fat, You Look Crazy: An Unapologetic Guide to Being Ambitchous'.

Firstly, do you have a fun fact that our readers may not know about you?
I despise having paint on my hands. And I think underwear is a scam (laughs).

If you could only wear one colour for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Red glitter. And I would wear capes everyday. Capes and Gucci everything, because Alessandro Michele is a God.

What is something on your bucket list, and why?
I want to fly a hot air balloon over New Orleans and throw hundred-dollar bills on everybody. Why not?

What is the best advice you ever received?
That enthusiasm and graciousness are the most endearing qualities of a human being.

You are searching for inspiration. What do you reach for, what do you do, where do you go?
I go to nature. I go for a walk. I try to find myself as far away from consumerism, Instagram, packaging and magazines trying to tell me what I need and what I don't need or what size I need to be, all that kind of shit. I always go to nature. Nature is my god, my religion, my everything. I think all of the answers are there. And the most incredible things I have ever seen, the most incredible feelings I have ever felt have happened in nature and that shit didn't cost a dime.

Upon reflecting on your life, if you could do anything differently, what would it be?
People have asked me this before, and I can honestly tell you that I can look back on my life and say that I really have no regrets. The one thing that pops into my mind right now is that when I left my ex-husband who I was married to for ten months, I told him that I was going to a concert and I never came home. So maybe I would have been a little more suave about that (laughs). But we're all Gucci, you know. I have worked my ass off, I feel like I haven't fucked anybody over, I have been honest, I don't have any regrets. I live with my heart on my sleeve, I've worked as hard as I could. I followed as many opportunities as I was humanly capable of. I'm feeling good. But I should have written a note or something when I took off (laughs). But I don't regret it at all because two days later I met the love of my life and my soulmate, so there you have it. You have to follow your gut all the time, and my gut said 'get the fuck out', so that's what I did. Bye!

You are on death row. What do you choose as your last meal, and what song, film or book do you want to enjoy it with?
Chicken strips, duh! With everything to dip it in. Maybe with a good porno. Alright! Here's what I would do, in this order; I would masturbate, eat chicken strips with every dip and then I would watch Moulin Rouge.

What are your favourite book/s?
As someone who is researching status and greed in America, I really liked Primates of Park Avenue [by Wednesday Martin]. I like things that are perverted and nasty. I read a book in boarding school called Vox [by Nicholson Baker]. That was pretty damn hot.

You are about to go on a holiday. What book do you bring?
I would probably bring a book about things I could do other than reading books on holidays (laughs). Why would I want to go on holiday and put my nose in a book? Why don't I want to experience the new land that I am in? I know books are important, but I am out actively researching the world. So, I may read a book about the place where I am going, but once I get to where I am going, I am not going to be sitting around...reading a book. I wanna see stuff! I wanna see stuff and then write a book about it.

Do you have any advice for when it comes to reading?
I think maybe finding books is the same as finding art, or food or music you like. You have to find something that is a reflection of your own life. I mean, we are all trying to find something that we can compare our own experiences to. Like me, I would never read a murder mystery novel. That shit scares the hell out of me. I think it is very personal.

You could write a book in any genre. What would it be?
I would like to write a book about pussy power! I mean, this book that just came out, You Don't Look Fat, You Look Crazy, is certainly my empowering memoir, but I'd like to dig deeper into what it really feels like to be a woman. To have to juggle work, you know, the hair battle - getting it waxed, tweezed, added, dyed, shaved, pulled, lasered etc. and then having manicures and pedicures, and you're supposed to go get fucking botox, get massages, I'm supposed to do pilates, I gotta do cardio, you know, I'm running this huge business and I'm trying to do all that. Then, for a week out of every month I feel like somebody is having a goddamn battle inside of my uterus...but guess what, it doesn't fucking stop me. Because I'm a motherfucking boss.